WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an ass WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD ...

This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers. Are you male or female? To find out the answer, look down... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Look down, not scroll down .

Q: How many subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Thousands 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the list that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about th...

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem. " The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,” says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a card...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your hu...

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counte...

You know the meaning of the word 'girt' You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin. You have 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse. You understand the the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refer...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust.' .. and then the fight started. ****************************************** My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and...

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. A Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo ae coo's sheet an pish!' The man replies, 'My good fellow, I'm from England . Could you repeat that in English for me.' The keeper replies, 'I said, use both hands - you'll spill le...

EU Directive No. 456179 In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2009. From this date, the correct ter...

Scenario : Jack goes rabbit shooting before school, pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his rifle & chats with Jack about guns. 2007 - School goes into lock down, SWAT Team called, Jack hauled off...

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion...

omg thats classic! XD

damn, poor bloke

neither, hate word games heh

Windows Vista vs Windows XP