CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my Broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down
the toilet.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240
per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought
Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.

PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.

Too funny.. and sadly so true!!